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Tuesday, 20 August 2013

The Offside Rule for Women

With the English Premier League off to a flying start, I thought I’d take a moment to explain a fundamental rule of dating- The offside rule.
Why is it a rule of dating you ask?
Cos if you can explain this one to your man, he’ll know you’re marriage material!

Ok. Imagine you’re standing in the queue at Aldo, second from the front.
There’s a brand new pair of… I don’t know, red heels? And they’re 80% off. Of course, being a woman, you don’t need these shoes, so naturally, you MUST HAVE THEM.
The trouble is, the lady in front of you in the queue also doesn’t need these shoes, but like you, she too has an unexplainable urge to have them.

You’ve both left your credit cards at home and without it you cannot attain your goal! Your friend at the back of the queue sees you eyeing these red heels and knows exactly what’s up! You both know that it would be kinda rude of you to cut in front of the queue and grab those heels unless you have the money. Your friend throws her credit card at you and while its still in flight, you slip around the girl in front, catch the card and grab the shoes!
BUT, until the credit card has actually left your friends hand, it would be wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper because then you’d be OFFSIDE!

…And that’s the last time we talk about red high heels on this site.