To Be A Man

The conception of this post was spurred on by the insight of a friend of mine. Her statements had shocked me into the realization of the infant-like manner in which men conduct themselves these days.

 Grown men not able to cook? Grown men not able to clean? Grown men who, in their late twenties, have never prepared their own lunch? Having mothers, girlfriends and wives tend to their every whim. What is becoming of our generation of young, independent men?

Don’t get me wrong. The role of a mother/gf/ wife in the support and concern of their men is a unique one, a gift that is given to us daily.  A gift that, dare I might say, may even be misappropriated by the overzealousness of feminism and to rob each other of the gifts of giving, humble service and care is a step backward for society.

Respect should be shown for the tremendous jobs women of the 21^st century have been tasked to. With divorce on the rise, single working mothers who play a dual parenting role with a single income and the same 24hours in a day that we’re all enslaved to, have my most gracious and unquantifiable respect.

I digress.

You say, “But Duvane, you live with your mother”. I hear you and you would be correct.

After I moved overseas for a year, my mother relocated to another city due to career advancement. Fortunately, for me, it allowed me the opportunity to broaden my options and when I returned to South Africa and started seeking employment, I found a job in the same city as her.

I live with my mother. I pay rent. I contribute to the upkeep of the house and it’s daily tasks. I cook my own food. Do my own laundry. Clean my own living areas. Make my own lunch. Iron my own clothes. We certainly do help each other out with these tasks from time to time so its takes some of the pressure off the individual. It’s not a rare occurrence to find me preparing both of our lunches or dinner. Vice versa. With the demands of both our jobs we’re more like housemates than anything else.

Growing up, I remember my mother always saying to me and my sister, “I make you do all these things so that if I had to die you won’t need to rely on anyone”.

I’m grateful.

 I have often depicted my mother as a Spartan woman and for good reason too! The other day I was sick off my feet and complaining about how fatigued and ill I was. From the other room I thought I heard my mother shout, “What can I do to help”. I was shocked!

So I asked again and she repeated herself… “What did you make to eat …cos I’m hungry.”

Our men of today need to stand up and be counted. Our women of today also need to stop pandering to their sons every need! Prepare them.

No girl wants to marry someone who she has to mother. Guys, those are your wives, not your mothers. The women in your life aren’t your maids. In modern society we see a greater share of domestic duties between full-time working couples. Nobody wants to carry deadweight in a relationship.

Sparta was known for being the only Greek city without a wall and there was a saying around the city of Sparta, “Our men are our walls.”

The duty of a man is not only to himself, to provide for himself and to see to his own needs, but also to the needs of those around him. To be able to give and receive are two of the many things that make up manhood. To be the wall of your family and friends.

Those are the real men. Not the ultimate fighters or the pimps and players because nothing of what they do matters to anyone except themselves.

When you die, it won’t matter if you drove a Lamborghini, lived in a mansion or became a big business mogul. What will matter is if you were a good father, a good son, a good brother and a good friend.

To be a man, is to be a man for others.